From Obedience to Independence: Be BFF of Your Teenager with Three Tips

From Obedience to Independence: Be BFF of Your Teenager with Three Tips

by Deepa Singh

In India, there are 253 million adolescents in the age group of 10 to 19 years. This is a significant population and need to be given a good parenting for country's continued development.

When I recall my teenage years, I quite well remember, having countless unanswered questions in mind.

Few answers came to me travelling in the air from nowhere…

Now, as a parent and educator, I observe our children navigating this transformative phase. Amid the hustle and bustle of life, their unspoken queries often remain unheard.

How do you react on stunning questions of your teenage?

Recently, I engaged in a conversation about the behavior of growing children with a friend of mine. The concerned mother shared her struggle with her ninth-grader son. He has transitioned from being an obedient child to a self-obsessed teenager, who constantly admire himself in the mirror and talk beyond his age.

Parents of teenagers often encounter similar challenges. They find teenager's issues related to peer pressure, social media, academic stress, body image or independence vs. rules weird. 

Their questions may be weird and common for parents, but they are quite new to them. So, always acknowledge their curiosity and desire to explore and get involve in their world with the help of open-ended questions.

The big question is why do queries often remain unheard?

Why despite parents’ best intentions, sometimes the reality, of teenage expectations, does not align with our efforts...?

Parents do a lot of planning before the arrival of child in family.

So much attention is paid for infant’s health, daily routine, and comfort.

As the child starts going to school parent’s attention is more on his safety & security needs and learning of his daily lessons.

During the teenage years, parents often prioritize meeting their child’s physiological needs, ensuring safety and security, and fostering a sense of love and belonging.

However, the fourth and fifth needs in Maslow’s Hierarchy—esteem and self-actualization—are sometimes overlooked or receive less attention.

At teenage, an individual experiences intense emotion and at that moment, it becomes difficult to express. Being a parent, you need to observe these emotional moments and guide them with the help of fourth and fifth stage of Need Theory.

Identity Formation and Parental Expectations at teenage is a Challenge

During teenage, individuals actively shape their identities by observing others, questioning norms, and seeking autonomy.

However, parents often perceive their child as an extension of themselves, maintaining a sense of custodianship.

This clash between emerging independence and parental expectations lead to conflicts within families. Finding a balance that respects both individual growth and family bonds is essential for healthy development.

Understanding Teenage

Teenage refers to the age spans from around 13 to 19 years of age.

During this age individuals experience significant physical, emotional, and cognitive changes.

These changes are spontaneous for human body but torturous to handle for the individual himself and for the people they live with.

Follow These Three Tips to Be a Cool Parent

It is quite challenging for parents to handle the teenage phase effectively, but it is essential for fostering a positive relationship and guiding children toward the right path.

I suggest three tips to be followed by the parents of teenagers:

Be Friendly: Foster a friendly relationship with your child. Be approachable and open to discussions. Show genuine interest in their thoughts and feelings.

Give Space: Teenagers need space to explore their identity and independence. While it is crucial to be involved in their lives, allowing them some autonomy fosters self-discovery. Balancing guidance with respecting their privacy is key.

Active Listening: Patience and active listening are vital. When teenage shares their thoughts or issues, parents should listen attentively without interrupting. Sometimes, teenagers just need someone to hear them out, even if they do not seek advice.

Adopt the Responsible Approach of Supervising their actions and guide them away from potential pitfalls. Build a sense of liberty, while assuring your support, in them.

"With great power comes great responsibility."

After all your teenage has to traverse this journey on his own pace. Do not compare. No two journeys are ever identical. Following or chasing others pace will leave you panting. 

Remember, parenting during the teenage years requires patience, empathy, and adaptability.

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